Revolting Revolution in America: An Outsider’s View

I am not from this universe, so that makes me an outsider looking in, currently living on Earth simply because it is such a funny place to live, and explore the inanities of the people inhabiting this beauteous orb. Right now my focus is on American politics and the governed’s view of their democracy versus the governors’ view of their republic.

Wednesday night there was a third and final debate for the office of President of this crazy country that somehow found itself – quite by accident, I’m sure – the world power of this whole planet.

I was quite impressed with the pluckiness and determined spirit of goodness pervading every move and thought of the pretty blond lady. The other lady was doomed to failure because she had been corrupted by the political atmosphere. However, even she would soon be revealed to be a really nice person who had simply lost their way.

Then I learned that I was watching “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blond,” and not the debate that everyone else watched. Oops.

So, here are my thoughts: it seems everyone got what they wanted from the real debate:  Those on the blond lady’s side got confirmation that the orange man is a loony tune and she has the demeanor and experience to be a successful President. Those on the orange man’s side got confirmation that the blond lady is still a lying failure and he has the demeanor and drive to shake things up in Washington. Meanwhile, both of them enjoy between 30% and 50% popularity figures with the voters.

To my view, there is something no one has been talking about enough through all of this and they are the real problem. Yes, I mean Congress (who are the opposite of Progress). When, in modern times, has Congress ever even had 30% approval ratings? Never? Really? Why not? Aren’t they your representatives to the executive and judicial branch?

Congress is pretty quiet these days, not even raising their heads to denounce stupidity and culpability from both candidates. They are loving the fact that your attention is not on them; because Congress is the real problem in America.  Why do you even bother getting all heated up about either of the other two branches of government? Congress legislates, so the state of matters in America is primarily on them.

It’s due to one deficiency in your Constitution, and due to two ridiculous practices that Congress indulges in that has led to the deplorable state your fellow citizens think they are in.

The deficiency in your Constitution: Lack of term limits for Congress. Seriously, if an incumbent can stay there forever, they will(!) and rake in the dough, spending an inordinate amount of time schmoozing and campaigning instead of actually legislating on behalf of their districts.

Term limits need to be imposed, so fresh blood can literally invigorate the democratic republic. However, Representatives should be given their office for at least four years. At two years, they spend all their time campaigning! That is about the current campaign trail durability, you know. Perhaps Congress would pass a law limiting campaigning to one year. Really? When have they ever voted anything regarding themselves except pay rises?

Two ridiculous practices of Congress:

  • Gerrymandering. I know it’s a long word and you’re probably not sure what it means. Here it is: gerrymandering is the practice of restructuring each Congressman’s district to reflect only those voters who will actually vote for them. If you get what that means and are not properly outraged, then you have no business being upset about anything going on in your country.

It means that Congress decides who they represent. And if you personally aren’t voting for them, then they do not represent you.

Consider the gridlock you have suffered through for decades: it is because Congress will only do what their hand-picked constituents are telling them to, not what the Constitution directs them to. There should have been a Supreme Court justice appointed many months ago. Did Congress really delude themselves into thinking Trump had a chance? They don’t even want him there, for the same reason some of the people do!

You should see the districts outlines being tortured beyond sense. Seriously, google it.

Gerrymandering might get fixed soon, but not by Congress. Why would they fix something that keeps them in caviar? I hear President Obama is going to spend a lot of his spare time now on fixing gerrymandering.  Though I applaud his choice, the practice doesn’t need fixing; it needs burning to the ground and re-assigning districts by population (as in number of people, not number of their friendly voters). Congress needs to start earning their votes.

  • Stop padding good bills with pork projects and extra rider expenses. Each bill should address its immediate concern. I learned this from Legally Blond 2. If the learned gentleman from Wisconsin wants federal aid to build a new bridge over a river, then the learned gentleman from Wisconsin should present a separate bill to that effect. The learned gentleman should NOT tack it onto a national health care bill.

You see, you hilarious Congress-folk: when you tack pork projects or irrelevant additions to any bill, you risk another Congress-folk feeling like they cannot support the bill because they don’t think you need another bridge. Especially when they need financial aid from the nation to improve early warning tornado alerts for Wichita, Kansas. Meanwhile, something really worthwhile – like national health care – drowns in your pork. The only thing that should drown in your pork is your gravy, and perhaps mashed potatoes. Oh, and who hasn’t heard of Stove Top Stuffing! How I wish my universe has that!

There is one other thing that might change the course of government, but I request you give me a couple of months notice on this one. That is an actual revolt by the voters to overturn the government. In this country, that revolt will inevitably involve guns, and I don’t want to be around for that. I’ll take a vacation in the Fornax cluster while you all kill each other.

Oh yeah! Get corporations out of your government. Trump would hate that idea because he is a corporate all by himself, while Clinton will love it! As long as corporate money is involved, then the people will be stuck with the best government that money can buy . . . for those with the money to buy it.

Take note America: Trump will not fix Congress. Clinton will not fix Congress.

Take note government of America: Trump’s sort-of-success is the barometer of how close you are to an actual revolution. Or, at least, how far the Republican party is. That is the true terror surrounding this election.

This has actually occurred twice, with varying success. The first time was a doozy and brought this nation into existence. Much blood was shed, and famine cursed the patriots. The second time was called the Civil War. Tens of thousands died, just at Gettysburg, let alone all the rest.  Many thousands lost a substantial amount of blood on their own hallowed ground. Abraham Lincoln oversaw that, demonstrating extraordinary bravery.

(By the way, you should know that Lincoln is held in such immense esteem throughout the multiverse that most adopt his courageous viewpoint that all creatures are created equal. Unfortunately, he is the only one of your leaders whom everyone else could give a flying quark for.)

Isn’t it ironic that the revolution party seems to be the Republicans, the party of Lincoln? If he were here, he’d probably slap all of you.

Don’t be complacent. Revolution has happened here before. Twice. Care to go for a third one? I don’t. It will be awful.

Then you better pressure Congress to go back to caring for all the people and not just their own chosen fan clubs.

20 October, 2016


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